Message in a bottle... do not open..

Waiting for you
Your call, your voice
waking up in the night hearing a noise
and wishing it was you coming home to me
But you cant even write or send a message
to take 5 min instead of updating genie or sending people personality requests to talk to me... your

is it that difficult, or do you dread talking to me?
Do you secretly pine for the days you can relax
the day the intj "boyfriend" can get a break... i saw the forum
I hurt soo much and i know these words
will probably never find their way to you.
Its like a message in a bottle and casting it into the sea
most likely it will never reach the destination you really need for it to go, but thats all because you left it to chance
Maybe i am some horrible person, so far Heidi, Kris, and Kristen have said so... and then theres also you...
I do have low self esteem... ill admit that.
I guess the majority of it would have to do with growing up, and the other part is you.
Before I had Molly and i got fat... you used to tell me how beautiful iwas
not anymore, you say its because for too long i said no im not or disagreed with you which if you really thought it was true should have made you say it more, not less to reassure me that was really how you feel and not more empty words. but you stopped...
I guess something like this shouldn't really sit on your shoulders. I shouldnt leave my happiness in your hands waiting for your words. maybe thats my mistake, im putting too much of the burden on you, but now that i have a job, i will be able to fool myself and others into thinking im happy, because i wil be soo busy ill not have much time to think about all the things that are hurting me, all the words, not just from you, but from others that although I pretend they dont bother me they really do...